Oh, My Dearest Kassy

My love, I am sorry.

I am a screw up and I pushed you too far and too hard.

I wish you wouldnt leave me. You have no idea how much you mean to me and how much I need you.

You are what I have been searching for since I was 15. You are the one that I was meant to be with. I know it. There is just too many things that I love about you. You are so loving, so caring and sweet, so intelligent and creative, so much fun just to be with. You never have any reservations about holding me or letting me hold you. I really do need you, more than I need anything else in this world.

You never really made me unhappy. There may have been moment where I was disappointed, but the things I was disappointed about were little things. If I was upset about anything, it was just how late you would come home. I am sorry I suspected something. You did say to trust you and I failed you there. But I do beleive you. I realize it is my fault, I am too suspicious and paranoid. I am so sorry.

You asked for some time to "get strong" but I am so afraid you will meet someone else and no longer want to come back to me. I truely need you in my life, I need you as more than just a friend. My heart is devoted to you, and has only been this devoted a few times. So devoted that I really cant go on without you. Without you, I lose a piece of myself. I need you in my life to be whole.

But hun, I am so scared. So scared you wont return to me. I really do hope you will leave "Ole Willy" with me and not change your mind as I see you have not moved your things out. I appreciate that you trust me with one of your most cherished possessions. Your lock of hair you left me...I can smell you on that and it brings tears to my eyes, because I fear you will never return to me.

I gave you Froggy, so that you know I too will wait for you. He is my most cherished possession. The last thing I have that belonged to my daughter and he is worth more to me than all my books, my movies, and my computers. I trust him to you as you are trusting Willard with me.

I will wait for you hun, but the waiting is going to hurt me more than you know. I sat at my computer for a few minutes this evening before going to work and looked over my shoulder expecting to see you there. I started to choke up with tears, like I have been all day, each time someone would mention you or I saw something that reminded me of you.

I got my hair cut today, and I really wanted you to be with me. I wanted you by my side so that I have another memory of you, for I know you prefer short hair. But I did save you a lock of my hair if you want it. If I dont see you soon, I will mail it to you.

But I was rather surprised to see your things in our room today when I got home. It gave me some hope and yet made me want to cry. I wanted to cry because here were all those reminders of you, reminders that I may be losing you forever. Even though you said about 4 months, I still feel as though I am losing you. 4 months without you will be an enternity as I miss you like mad when I am at work for 9 hours, just imagine what 4 months would be like.

But I had hope too....hope that maybe you were just going to go away for the day, or even the weekend. But I dont know if it is going to do any good to hope. I dont know if that is what you plan to do. I dont know if you are taking a little break and coming back to me. I just dont want you to go and its tearing me apart.

I saw what you did with my icons on my computer and the sentiment was wonderful. The pictures, looking through them brought tears to my eyes, as looking at those pictures may be the only way I will ever see your beautiful face ever again. Your smile warms my heart. Without that, I am going to be lonely and cold for a long, long time if not forever. You are in my heart, and once that happens, you will always be there.

Please sweetheart, dont do this to me. I can understand if you are dead-set on leaving for a few months. If you do leave, I will wait for you and only you. I just pray to God that you will do the same. If you come back to me, or even decide to stay, if God can help us stay together, I swear to you and before him, that I will be better toward you and we will lead happy and fullfilling lives. You and I will attend church, do chores together, cuddle more on the couch...I would happily spend the rest of my days with you, and none other. You make me so happy and without you with me, there is nothing but a void. So please hun, come back to me. I will do whatever it takes.

You keep saying you love me and that the problem is not me. I want to say "if that is true, then dont leave me" but that is selfish, using your feelings against you, and I know it wouldnt help any. All I can do is say that I truely love you with all my mind, heart, and soul. I will wait for you for as long as it takes, so long as it doesnt take forever, which so far this one day has felt as if it were an eternity. I dont know how long I can hold on without you at my side, without your touch, without your caress, without you to hold me.

Please love....hurry back to me. I really do need you and cant concentrate on anything but you. I dont want to do anything, I dont want to see anyone, I just want you back in my life. Please, my love....please....hurry back to me.

I love you Kassy. I love you.

Your Kool-Aid,
Merryc


P.S. Please check this as often as you can.....You will learn more about why I love you, why I want you, why you are perfect more me, and why I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

A Good Morning?

Well, this morning, my love and I has a "little" fun. I almost got to go as far with her as I have been dreaming about for months, but unfortunately we were interupted when the "third party" came home. GOD DAMN YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!

But oh my god. My sweet kassy is just wonderful. I wont go into details here, but I will say I loved every second of what we did get to do! =D

But you were right dear.....very poor timing. We shall wait, but not for very much longer.

I love you hun! =D

Yours always,
Merryc

Good Night?

Well, I got to talk to my sweetheart for a while tonite on Yahoo. I always love to talk with her even if it has to be over the net and not always in person. We talked about many things tonite. Things like an embarrassing moment she had and how everyone one picking on her about it. We discussed some intimate things and how to go about learning more about each other that way.

She also said that once the "Third Party" is out, I cant listen to Afroman's "She Wont Let Me Fuck" anymore. LOL. All I said was "We shall see".

Yeah, I do love talking with her, but the way she stopped responding to me at about 1am made me a bit nervous. I wasnt sure if I made her upset at me or if something happened in the house whilst I was at work. I hate being away from her like this, but at least with the hours I work, she isnt alone at the house with the "Third Party".

Its like tomarrow, I have to go out and cash my paycheck and pay the bills and get things situated with the house. That would mean leaving her alone with the "Third Party" and I am NOT about to do that. So, a friend of ours is going to be our transportation and after everything is paid and taken care of, I am taking her (and our ride too) to go see Chronicles of Narnia, something I was supposed to do with the "Third Party" but, yeah, like thats ever going to happen now......YOU FRIGID BITCH!!!! LOL!!!

Sweetest of dreams to you my lovely Kassy. I miss you lots and cant wait to see you in the morning!

Yours Always,
Merryc!

PS Above is a pic I found on the net I thought you would like! =D

MY Zeldafairy

This is a blog that is going to be devoted to the newest woman in my life. One I hope that will be the last, one that will be at my side until the end of my days. Pricilla Kassandra Lovato.

Yes Kassy, this is my page to you. As time goes on, there will be more and more added. Unfortunately I cannot put much up here at the moment since I just got home from work about an hour ago and am begining to get tired and still have to go to work tonite.

So just know that I miss you Kassy and cannot wait to hold you in my arms whenever I want. Hopefully things go well for the third party in our life and the two weeks we are waiting to pass could be a lot less.

And yes, I will be adding photo's of you real soon! =*

Yours,
Merryc